The BrokenGrandma, Husbands and Dogs

1 year ago

Husbands and Dogs

Shawn and I were raised very differently and our families operate in totally different ways. And, yes, this sometimes puts us in a romantic Romeo and Juliet type situation, but more often it is the cause of indefinite friction.

It’s expected in my family that I will help with my grandmother and do what I can for my aunt as I don’t have a job and they have been helping us get on our feet this last year and a half. Now I see the need to really try to separate and be less dependent on their contributions and focus more on what I can do to help them.

And because I don’t drive, Shawn has the duty of ferrying me from point A to point B. This is hard for him. He has a very nice car, you see, and I think he hesitates to drive it because it is a nice car and he would like to keep it that way, thank you very much.

He’s also tired a lot, still slightly shaken from the car accident we were in, feels like he has better things to do, and could possibly just be lazy. So, when my Aunt requested that I dog-sit, I knew I needed to act tactfully.

First, I gave him a whole night to himself with nothing but his PS3 and Dirt 2. I went on a girl’s date with some really great friends and we came back to my house and talked until 1:30am. I do think, though, that Shawn may have been a little sad that our gab-and-laugh fest went on so long. He gave me a pouty lip and puppy-dog eyes when he said, “I thought we were gonna watch Jeremy Clarkson destroy bad cars…” (which I got him as part of his birthday present.)

Then I bribed him: how about we go to Applebees to eat dinner courtesy of a gift card I’d been saving for a special occasion. After we feed, water, walk and play with Aunt Deb’s dogs.

It worked, this kindness and positive reinforcement. I think I have found the solution: award the good behavior, use a reward system and ignore as much of the ‘bad’ behavior as possible!

A VERY wise woman who has been married for 30 years said it was like training a dog! But what great advice; be kind, basically. Even though the Good Wife’s Guide was a hoax, some of the advice was ironically sound. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

A smile. A little back rub. A kiss on the cheek and a “How are you?”

Thought I do have to say my husband’s reply to “how was your day/how are you?” is always the same: “Fine.” Usually accompanied by him pulling a face as to why this crazy woman is asking about him when she’s usually just whining about herself.

I’m training him to be more helpful and I’m training myself to be kinder. I think it works out in both our favors.
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Husbands and Dogs

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